One-Person Show/Ethnodrama Reflection

Honestly, the thought that continues to reoccur in my train of thought is: this is very close to being the weirdest thing I've done. Usually, being in shows, I am, to some extent, told what to do. By the director, by the writer, by the stage manager, or by all three. This is one unique case where I am all three of these things.This certainly puts a wrench in the process, mainly because since there's no one to tell me what to do, I'm more or less forced to talk to myself. It also makes it confusing, because when I'm being told what to do, I can critique it to some extent, or give my second opinion. A second opinion is hard to get when the writer is the actor.

For me, at least, it requires a lot more second-guessing. "Should I say this line? Does this really sound okay? Is it logical for this line to flow into this one?" are questions I find myself asking myself. (That sentence makes sense in this context, which is probably an indicator of how bizarre this context is.) I've recorded myself performing my ethnodrama, only to find that I haven't stayed in the frame of my camera, which means that I have to rerecord and re-choreograph the blocking of the piece. It's..frustrating, to say the least, but the end result will (hopefully) be worth it.

When everyone around you seems to know what they're doing, it puts more pressure on you (or, rather, me) and results in panic and a ton of stress. But yesterday, a classmate came up to me and asked if I knew what I was doing, and I automatically responded with "I'm kinda figuring it out step by step." And the thing is, I think we all are. I think this is unfamiliar territory for all of us; that is, if one of us fails, chances are we all will. It's strange how comforting a thought like that is.